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Sibling Rivalry Might Look Scary But Are Really Normal

By: Shevach Pepper

In most families sibling rivalry is common. Fighting and arguing with your brothers and sisters as you grow up together is natural and this should not cause alarm. Sibling rivalry does not happen in every family although happens in plenty families.

If your kids seem to have a good relationship with each other and are happy, a little disagreement here and there is nothing to worry about. If your kids are fighting and arguing to the point that a child is constantly unhappy then it should be talked about and should stop. If you ignore sibling rivalry once it has gone this far it will not go away and may cause your kids to not be able to bond in the future.

Here are some reasons for sibling rivalry, provocation, and jealousy:

Jealousy or aggressive personalities

Poor self-esteem

Poor social skills

People suffering from low self-esteem tend to be unhappy with themselves and seek validation from others, especially family members. If their view is outwardly focused in this way, they can become envious and think others are better than them. If this person also lacks social skills, they might relieve their frustration by "acting up" with their siblings. He or she might also be provoked easily. This is the main cause of sibling rivalry.

How to Deal with Sibling Rivalry

When dealing with sibling rivalry that is unhealthy you should do it as indirectly as possible. If you deal with it directly you might make someone think you are taking sides and make the situation worse. The alienated child might feel victimized and then blame you for it and become aggressive.

Here are some tips on how to deal with the problem:

Make sure the child has plenty of attention, love and support.

Spend extra time with child that is having difficulty fitting in. Uses time to boost the childs self esteem and make this child feel important.

Find the reason that the child is unhappy.

Encourage your child to talk to you, but dont yell because this will have the opposite effect on the child.

When he has calmed down, ask him what he would advise a friend of his to do in a similar situation. He might come up with some original and helpful ideas.

You might want to talk to the childs teacher about how to fix the problem and keep in mind that teachers have spent lots of time with kids and you might come up with something you can do together to help him.

If needed, you can visit a child psychologist just for information (dont bring the child along).

Provocation and jealousy can start at any age but usually occurs during childhood when the child is creating his identity. It might also start in puberty, adolescence or adulthood, depending on the individual situation. If the child is young, it is easier to find a solution and deal with it. Once your child has grown up and left home, he might not want your advice.

Sibling Rivalries in adulthood

If your adult child is having trouble with a sibling and this is disrupting the family, intervention is recommended. Here are some possible interventions:

In a group discussion discuss possible solutions to the sibling rivalry problems. The key is to remain impartial and non judgmental.

Try discussing the problem with the child you have a better relationship with. While working this out with your children you should always remain impartial or you can increase the problem you are attempting to repair.

You should have a person talk to both of the siblings separately to help with the problem.

If the second sibling is more likely to accept advice, talk to him first. You will need a lot of tact and discretion.

It isn't easy to build self-esteem in children, especially after things have got out of hand and they have begun fighting with others. Don't give up and do keep working at it though. A lot of the most successful and happy people I know grew up with strained sibling relationships but things worked out fine in the end. If you make the effort, things will work out.

Article Source: http://www.articlebankonline.com

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